


So Sorry

by Nutella_enthusiast



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depressing, M/M, like really really sad sorry, lol how do i tags, several references to sex but nothing explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-13
Updated: 2013-06-13
Packaged: 2017-12-14 20:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/840939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutella_enthusiast/pseuds/Nutella_enthusiast
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"What the hell is your problem?!" he demands as the blonde pushes him away yet again. "I'm just trying to help you and this is what I get?!"</i>
</p><p>
  <i>"Have you ever thought you're the problem?!" demands Niall, and Liam is thunderstruck, with no idea what he could have done, but his racing mind is soon cut off by the feel of Niall shoving him up against the door behind them and slamming their lips together, and it's messy and their teeth crash together but there are sparks and fireworks and explosions and wow. And Liam doesn't know what to do because sure, kissing Zayn is nice but this is unbelievable. He realizes what he is doing all at once, and pushes Niall away, running out of the apartment and back home to his loving boyfriend, chalking up those supposed feelings to those two drinks he'd had earlier that night. But deep down, he knows that isn't the real reason, and pretends that he doesn't hear the broken sobs coming from behind him."</i>
</p>
<p>Liam is dating Zayn, but he can't deny this raw magnetism he feels towards Niall.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So Sorry

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Constant Interruptions](https://archiveofourown.org/works/804067) by [Nutella_enthusiast](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nutella_enthusiast/pseuds/Nutella_enthusiast). 



> I started writing this months ago, long before Constant Interruptions, and neither one inspired. the other, but I feel like they compliment each other well. Both stories have a slightly similar premise/beginning, but they show how much things can change if only one thing is different. In this story, Liam is dating Zayn, whereas in Constant Interruptions, Zayn just wants Liam and Niall to finally make out.
> 
> I experimented with a new writing style in this one so please let me know what you think!
> 
> I'm going to stop ranting and just let you read the story now. 
> 
> Enjoy. (And by that I mean please dont hate me)

Liam passes off the first time they kiss as a drunken mistake. It's the night of him and Zayn's coming out party after all, and Niall has been moody all night and drinking far too much and really Liam should just go home with his boyfriend, but Niall isn't just drunk - he's word-slurringly, staggeringly, pathetically drunk, and Liam is far too responsible for his own good, and really, how could he possibly leave Niall like that? So he gets him a cab, and before he knows it he's at Niall's flat and he's getting him a glass of water and then trying to get the Irish boys pants off so he can sleep comfortably, but Niall is back to his moody self from earlier, and the anger is building up in Liam, because he left Zayn and their bed for this, and before he can stop them the words tumble out of him mouth.

"What the hell is your problem?!" he demands as the blonde pushes him away yet again. "I'm just trying to help you and this is what I get?!"

"Have you ever thought you're the problem?!" demands Niall, and Liam is thunderstruck, with no idea what he could have done, but his racing mind is soon cut off by the feel of Niall shoving him up against the door behind them and slamming their lips together, and it's messy and their teeth crash together but there are sparks and fireworks and explosions and wow. And Liam doesn't know what to do because sure, kissing Zayn is nice but this is unbelievable. He realizes what he is doing all at once, and pushes Niall away, running out of the apartment and back home to his loving boyfriend, chalking up those supposed feelings to those two drinks he'd had earlier that night. But deep down, he knows that isn't the real reason, and pretends that he doesn't hear the broken sobs coming from behind him.

*****

The second time they kiss is an accident. It's the kind of accident that happens in quirky rom-coms and animes about teenage girls that almost always have some unexplainable magic power and cry too much, but not like this, never like this, not in real life. They're baking a cake for Harry's birthday, and Liam knows he shouldn't have even let Niall in the kitchen, but he just looked far too adorable to say no to.

So Liam let Niall help him, and he's joking around, dancing back and forth, their kiss from the week before apparently completely forgotten amongst the blur of alcohol and drinking that was that night, until he slips, somehow managing to fall forward onto Liam, knocking him backwards and onto the floor. Their lips connect awkwardly, and Liam isn't exactly sure what's happening as Niall jumps up and hurries out of the kitchen, leaving him lying on the floor. But if Niall had looked back he would have seen Liam frozen, fingers on his lips, deep in thought.

*****

Liam initiates their third kiss. It isn't really something he planned, but Niall is sitting there talking about something stupid - Liam doesn't even know what - and he just looks so cute that Liam leans forward and kisses him. His lips are soft and warm and hungry and begin moving under his almost immediately.

Liam runs his tongue along Niall's bottom lip and Niall pulls back, whispering, "Zayn."

Liam chuckles. "No, I'm Liam. I think you might need to get your eyes checked babe."

Niall shoves his shoulder. "That's not what I meant and you know it."

"Niall, do you want to kiss me?" asks Liam, looking him in the eyes.

"Well yeah, of course, I mean, have you seen yourself? But-"

"Then we'll make it work," says Liam, cutting Niall off by placing a finger on his lips. "Now can I kiss you again?"

Niall just nods before he can think better of it and Liam leans forward and presses their lips together again.

*******

Neither of them are quite sure how, but somehow this becomes a regular thing. Liam visits Niall, they kiss, Liam goes home to Zayn and Niall is left alone, feeling even worse than he did before. And yet somehow, he doesn't give up, choosing instead to take what little Liam he can get.

But knowing Niall, if you let him kiss you, he's going to want to give you a handjob. And if you let Niall give you a handjob, he'll want to try blowing you. And if you let Niall blow you, well, you know what happens after that.

********

It’s been four months, and they’ve had sex 24 times when Niall brings up what they’ve both been worrying about since the first time he mentioned it. “Liam?” he whispers, as they lay there side by side, both drenched in sweat, sheets balled at their feet.

“Yeah babe?” he whispers back, even though they’re in the house alone, as if speaking at a normal volume could break this little spell, bring all the walls they’ve built crumbling down around them.

“What about Zayn?”

It’s as if all of the air has gone from Liam’s lungs in one breath, and he looks over at Niall, brown eyes meeting blue. "What-what about him?"

"Li, Zayn's my best friend. We can't keep doing this to him"

"I know, says Liam, sighing and looking away. "I'll end things, I promise."

********

Oddly enough, the first one to notice is Louis. He may not be the most observant in the band, but he sees the little glances when they think no one is looking and the lingering touches, and he knows how Liam is feeling all too well. After all, he felt that when he ended things with Eleanor - because sure, he loved her, but he was in love with Harry, and Liam may love Zayn, but he's in love with Niall, so Louis just sits back and doesn't say anything and hopes Liam makes the right choice - the choice it took him so long to make.

********

It’s been going on for just over six months and they’ve had sex 49 times, when Niall changes things. They're in a closet, ironically enough, and Liam only has five minutes before he has to go back to Zayn, so he's kissing Niall like his life depends on it, and Niall's kissing him back just as fiercely when the words slip out. "I love you," he breathes.

And it’s true. He's been thinking it for a while now, since long before their first kiss, but he hadn't planned on saying it. Liam stares at him for a moment before pulling back and straightening his shirt. "It's late," he mutters. "I should get back to Zayn."

Liam avoids him like the plague for a week before eventually dragging him into a closet after a concert and attacking his face and neck with kisses amongst whispers of "I love you too," and "I'm so sorry," and "please forgive me." So Niall does, because he just can’t say no to Liam, and he knows that what he says is true.

********

Harry notices next. He notices the way that Niall always laughs a little too hard at Liam's corny jokes, and how Liam's eyes always linger a moment too long, before he shakes his head and looks back to Zayn, and Harry doesn't say anything - not even when he notices how every time this happens, a little bit of the brightness in Niall's eyes go out, until eventually he stops laughing completely. Because he knows how Niall feels, knows how it killed him when Louis did that to him. Because he can’t intervene - not when it’s Liam’s choice in the end. Because Zayn finding out could very well end the whole band. And because he’s scared for Niall, and knows that addicted feeling - that losing Liam completely would be worse than just having what he has now.

********

It's been nine and a half months, and Niall's lost count of how many times they've had sex, but he hasn't lost count of how many times Liam has promised to end things with Zayn (Sixteen times. That's how many promises he's broken - how many times he's broken Niall)

And he may have lost track of how many times they've had sex, but that doesn't mean it's gotten anywhere near forgettable. Sensational, rather, might be the word Niall would use, if his brain was functioning well enough in that moment to use words more than two syllables.

He knows Liam is dating his best friend, and he knows that everything about what they're doing is wrong, but he's too far gone for the boy with the brown hair and puppydog eyes to care.

********

It takes Zayn two months to notice and a year and a half to admit it to himself. He notices their little touches, and laughs, and how much time they've started spending together, and passes it off as friendly bonding. He sees how every time he enters a room with the two of them in it, they spring apart, as if he's about to catch them doing something wrong, and he's foolish enough to think that maybe they're just planning something for him. But his birthday comes and goes and the whispers and strange behavior don't stop and one day it just hits him and he collapses to the ground and doesn't move for three hours and seventeen minutes, until Harry comes to get him for dinner.

Harry simply says, "you figured it out, huh?" and Zayn nods numbly and follows him downstairs. He could say something to Liam, but he's too nervous, and selfish, and too in love, so he keeps his mouth closed and hopes Liam chooses him.

********

They don't get together in the end. Liam is too scared to end things with Zayn and too addicted to end things with Niall, and eventually Niall has to call it quits. He knows Liam loves him, in he same way that he loves Liam - and the same way that Zayn loves Liam too. But Niall has been giving up him happiness for Liam and Zayn's for far too long, and doesn't know what else to do, so he tells Liam things are over and moves to a flat on the other side of town, only seeing him when he absolutely had to.

The band breaks up not too long after Liam and Niall do - although, can you really break up if you were never technically dating? They say it's because of creative differences, but the boys all know the real reason. Niall is the first to move away, a few months after the breakup, just after Harry and Louis decide to put out a duet album. He runs off to America with Josh and starts a record label, becoming even more successful -though he always knows there's something missing. A few months after that, Louis and Harry finally get married, and Niall shows up the morning of the wedding, sits in the back row, and is gone before they even cut the cake.

When he gets the letter just over a year after that with a personalized letter from Liam -the first contact he's had besides Christmas cards since the Larry wedding - informing him that Liam proposed too, and that he wishes Niall would come be his best man, he throws it away before he even reads the postscript.

It simply reads, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."


End file.
